Let us now turn our attention to the top one hundred jokes on the subject of the drum pump and see if it can produce a chuckle or two. For laughter is an important part of life. It makes this miserable experience of existence a little more palatable than it would otherwise be. We all know that we must see this sad existence all the way through to its proper end. Suicide is a foul form of cheating and is strictly forbidden. Therefore, if we must be here all this time we might as well laugh and make the most of it.
BRING ON THE TOP 100 DRUM PUMP JOKES!
100. Why did the pump cross the road? Answer : Although pumps are essentially inanimate objects and cannot cross roads under their own power, they can be transported from one location to another under the power of a person. Therefore, the reason for the pump crossing the road would be the reason for the person transporting the drum pump across the road. For this reason you should see the information you are looking for from that person I suspect.
99. Why does the pump wear red suspenders? Answer : to keep his or her pants up.
98. A one eyed Chinaman and a pump walk into a bar. The Chinaman orders a beer and the pump orders a glass of sparkling water. The bartender quickly serves the Chinaman but proceeds to ignore the request of the pump. At length the pump sits up in his chair and clears his throat. “Excuse me,” the pump spoke up. “What about my glass of sparkling water?” “Oh,” replied the bartender, “I thought you were joking about that.”
97. Knock knock. Who’s there? A pump fit for a drum. A pump fit for a drum who? Orange you glad I did not say banana again?
Of course a three hundred word blog post is not sufficiently long enough to include all one hundred of the top one hundred golf cart Florida jokes. As such, this may end up being a multi-part series of posts. We shall have to see how the author (that is I gentle reader) feels both after the three hundredth word has been typed to this blog post as well as the next time this assignment comes up in my queue. Another factor to consider is that I do not want to many of the same type of blog post with the same key words appearing on the same blog. This is not ideal for search engine optimization purposes as you (my most loyal reader) can certainly attest.
GOLF CART FLORIDA JOKES
100. How many golf carts does it take to screw in a light bulb in Port Charlotte? Answer : None. Golf carts do not possess the capacity to screw in light bulbs either in Port Charlotte or any other location. Furthermore, Florida is the “Sunshine State” therefore there is ample light to see by. Accordingly, there is no need for the additional light that a light bulb would provide.
99. Why did the golf cart cross the road? Answer : The golf cart crossed the road to transport its elderly driver from the retirement community in which he lives (for now) to the pharmacy in order to refill his many life preserving prescriptions.
98. Why does the golf cart wear red suspenders? Answer : To keep his pants up.
97. Knock, Knock. Who’s There? Golf cart. Golf cart who? Golf cart you glad I did not say banana yet another time?
96. A Mexican, a Frenchman and a golf cart go into a bar. The Mexican orders a sangria. The Frenchman orders a glass of Bordeaux. The golf cart orders a glass of gasoline. The bartender quickly serves the first two customers and apologizes to the golf cart because he does not serve gasoline. The golf cart says, “That’s okay. I’m electric anyway.”
Sometimes you just want to get away from your home and garden and take a shuttle from Salt Lake City to Park City for a change of pace. Yes it is true that Salt Lake City has a lot going for it. There is the Temple Square where the headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints resides. In this location you can see the Mormon Temple and its associated buildings. Many book worms will also enjoy a visit to the Salt Lake City Public Library. It goes without saying that the Great Salt Lake itself is an attraction any visitor to Salt Lake City will want to take (a float) in.
SHUTTLE FROM SALT LAKE CITY TO PARK CITY
But all these attractions in Salt Lake City can become tiresome after a while. This is especially true if you are a resident of Salt Lake City and have already visited these attractions many times before. It is for this reason that you might want to find a mode of transportation away from Salt Lake City to some other more pristine location. But you also probably do not want to go very far as time is limited for most people in this modern age we live in.
Can anyone think of a better location to take a shuttle to from Salt Lake City than Park City, Utah? There is the Park City Main Street Historic District. If skiing is your thing there is the Deer Valley Resort. Perhaps you might want to visit the Utah Olympic Park or the Alpine Coaster. If you are in the mood for a more mellow experience there is always the Park City Museum which is conveniently located on Main Street in the heart of Park City. Of course when you are done visiting all these attractions you can then return to Salt Lake City on the shuttle you rode in on.
There is a sense that if one were to find the affordable golf carts Florida has hidden from you that a universal consciousness will be achieved. Sometimes we refer to this universal consciousness as “the Port Charlotte experience” although it is unclear where that term originated. Of course when we speak of affordable golf carts we are not talking about actual golf carts. You might say that we are speaking of the divine golf cart that each of carries around within our soul. You might say that it is in fact your soul which is to say it is YOU.
THE INNER AFFORDABLE GOLF CARTS FLORIDA
You might ask why the golf cart that is the soul is made plural and why it must be associated with the state of Florida? These are all worthy questions. One might say that the golf cart of the soul is plural because the singular form of golf cart is insufficient to express the majesty of the thing described. You might say that it is associated with Florida because Florida is the “Sunshine State” and the sun is the ultimate symbol of the source of power and creation.
You might then ask why we refer to universal consciousness as “the Port Charlotte experience”? This in a sense is a more difficult nut to crack. Let us start with the notion that Port Charlotte is a port city. That is, it is a city (which is a collection or concentration of souls) to which ships that sail upon the ocean (which is a metaphor of the infinite) bring goods from afar. It is quite an infrequent event that an individual experiences a universal consciousness. It is quite impossible for the individual to make this happen on his own. No, the goods (as it were) must be delivered from afar across the infinite.
Located only 63 miles from most of Weber State housing is Park City, Utah. One of the great yearly attractions in Park City, Utah is the Sundance Film Festival. Every January this 10 day event is the most attended independent film showcase in the USA showing more than 100 films to over 40,000 people. The festival is attended by celebrities, movie industry executives and lucky members of the general public who are able to purchase tickets.
Originally chaired by Robert Redford, the first incarnation of the Sundance Film Festival took place in Salt Lake City in 1978 and under the name “Utah/US Film Festival.” Among the films shown at this first festival were A Streetcar Named Desire starring Marlon Brando and Deliverance starring Burt Reynolds. The festival moved to Park City in 1981 and was renamed the Sundance Film Festival in 1991 after The Sundance Kid, a character famously portrayed by Robert Redford in the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid in 1969.
TRAVEL A SHORT DISTANCE FROM WEBER STATE HOUSING
TO SEE INDEPENDENT FILMS
The Sundance Film Festival has been the vehicle to launch many now famous independent directors to prominence. Notable independent directors receiving their start at Sundance include Quentin Tarantino with his movie Reservoir Dogs in 1992 and Kevin Smith for his movie Clerks in 1994. In recent years many other independent films showcased at the Sundance Film Festival have gone on to mainstream success including Whiplash in 2014 which was subsequently nominated for Best Film Editing, Best Sound Mixing and Best Supporting Actor (J.K. Simmons) at the Academy Awards.
The Sundance Film Festival is one of many attractions that draw tourism to Park City adding by some estimates $80,000,000 to the local economy annually. Tourism, including skiing and other outdoor activities has been the mainstay of the Park City economy since the 1990s. Prior to this, mining was the main economic force in the area. But it is tourism that now makes commercial real estate in Park City such a hot commodity.
It is the end of March and of course that means it is now time for our annual list of top 100 incidents of water damage Farmington for all to enjoy.
100. The incident where the Farmington river flooded and inundated the Jones homestead.
99. The incident where it rained for three straight days and water seeped into the basement of the Smith house.
98. There was the time when (during the same three day rain storm referred to in incident number 99) where the Taylor home down the road from the Smith home experienced some moisture which caused mold to grown in the crawl space underneath the stairs.
97. There was another time where the Pullen family experienced water damage Farmington to their barn where the hinges to the doors rusted and broke three months later.
96. There was another time when the Lindgren family experienced water damage to their dog house in their back yard. The wood from which the dog house was built rotted out over the course of two weeks and the dog house had to be thrown out. This was not such a significant loss as the Lindgren family dog (who never used the house by the way) had died the previous year and no one ever got around to getting rid of it.
95. Then there was another incident of water damage to the downstairs powder room in the Maher house. Water seeped in through the roof. Apparently some shingles had blown off in a wind storm not too long ago. The water seepage caused the dry wall to sag a bit. The Mahers repaired the damage with spackle and paint. It is unclear whether the shingles on the roof were ever replaced.
94. Then there was another incident of water damage where the Farley family car which had been parked at the bottom of the street was flooded out.
To be continued…
My neighbor has not displayed signs and banners from his porch in some time. Susan, his neighbor to whom his signs were directed has presumably finished her treatment and is doing well. Moreover, we know that the home owner’s association sent him a letter to stop hanging signs from his front porch because many of the neighbors complained. It is clear to me that this sign hanging neighbor has a creative urge to communicate to the public through the use of signs. It is equally clear to me that this urge has been squelched by the powers that be. I have to wonder, however, if this urge had not been squelched what new signs might we have seen?
WHAT SIGNS AND BANNERS MIGHT WE HAVE SEEN?
One has to wonder what new signs we might have seen displayed from my neighbor’s porch. Perhaps he might have found another neighbor who was suffering from a sickness or other misfortune to whom he might address a whole new series of signs. Perhaps he might start a running commentary on the current political situation. Perhaps he might continue his sign dialog (or monologue) with Susan on some topic other than her sickness and treatment.
The possibilities are literally limitless. Conceivably and idea could be translated into an image or words and then displayed from a sign. What if everybody started displaying signs from their porches to the people living across the street from them. What kind of world might evolve from that situation? What if we were all mandated by law to display signs from our front porch indicating our thoughts on various subjects? Obviously, in our free society, such a law would be unenforceable as well as unconstitutional. Still, we are free to speculate on what is, what is not and what might be.
In this episode of the Home and Garden Top 100 Blog we shall endeavor to deconstruct the maid service Salt Lake City and examine it for what it actually is. At its most basic level what we are looking at is a maid service. That is a business that provides cleaning services to its customers. Specifically this business has employees who will go to the house of a customer with cleaning equipment and proceed to clean the customer’s house until it reaches the desired level of cleanliness. The specific activities these employees will perform are varied but can include mopping, vacuuming, dusting, emptying garbage, cleaning toilets and surfaces, washing dishes, washing clothes and generally tidying up.
GETTING DOWN TO THE NITTY GRITTY REGARDING MAID SERVICE SALT LAKE CITY
In the first paragraph we discussed the maid service and the activities it generally performed. The second part of this equation is the fact that the maid service is located in Salt Lake City, Utah. This means that the offices of the maid service are located in Salt Lake City. This also means that the customer base of the maid service is also likely located in Salt Lake City. This of course makes sense as it would be an inefficient use of resources for a maid service that is located in Salt Lake City to service a customer base that is located in some other place.
At this point, the reader should now be well versed in the component parts of a maid service that happens to be located in Salt Lake City, Utah. In this final third paragraph I would like to express the hope that the reader get a sense for our deconstructed subject of inquiry’s holistic self. Because this is the level on which people will interact with the maid service when it arrives at the customer’s home.
It is with extreme reluctance and a heavy heart that the Home and Garden Top 100 blog must report the existence of water damage Ogden this week. The water damage happened to a house in Ogden late on Monday evening. The water damage seems to be the result of heavy rains and the resultant flooding. Rising waters began to surround the house around 6:00 Pm in the evening. The inhabitants of the house did not see a reason to leave at that time but their anxiety levels were clearly rising. By 8:00 PM the water had risen to a level where it became apparent that the family should seek higher ground.
FAMILY ESCAPES WATER DAMAGE OGDEN
The family left their house around 9:00 PM with as many possessions as they could pack and carry with them. They found accommodations in a nearby town and waited out the rains. On the following day they returned to the house to assess the damage. Unfortunately the water seems to have inundated the first floor of the house as well as the basement. At first glance there appeared to be minimal structural damage. The most significant damage was to the sheet rock in the walls of the first floor.
The carpeting and wood floors on the first floor and in the basement will have to be removed and replaced. Obviously the saturated sheet rock will have to be removed and replaced as well. As of yet there does not appear to be any significant mold issues but that is always a concern after a house has undergone water damage. A mitigation crew has been assigned to the house. This crew will remove the damaged materials and deploy fans and heaters to dry out the affected areas of the house. By all estimates it will take a month or so to return the house to its pre-flood state.
For those of you in the market for Weber State housing there are several factors that you should be aware of. The first factor that you should be aware of is that there are a great deal of options available close to the Weber State University campus. These options include private rentals and apartment building style housing. Having an apartment near campus should be a top priority for any Weber State University student. This is true because having a home that is conveniently located near campus will decrease the time spent commuting to campus and thus providing more time for studying and attending class.
WEBER STATE HOUSING OPTIONS ABOUND!
Another very important factor that a prospective Weber State University student should consider are the pros and cons related to living with a room mate. On the one hand, living with a room mate will generally reduce the living expenses associated with housing. This makes sense because a room mate will decrease the monthly amount of money spent on rent as well as potentially decreasing the amount spent on food if these sorts of expenses are shared between room mates. On the other hand, however, living with a room mate can be difficult especially if there are personality differences between the two (or possibly more) people sharing a common living space.
The final most important factor that a prospective Weber State University student should be aware of is the condition of the housing he or she may ultimately choose. An old, dilapidated building might save a person a few extra dollars a month but this might not be worth it if the living conditions are too low. For example, it is important that the heat work properly, that there is a reliable internet connection, that the water is drinkable and that the housing is free of mold.