Top 100 Jokes About a Drum Pump

Let us now turn our attention to the top one hundred jokes on the subject of the drum pump and see if it can produce a chuckle or two. For laughter is an important part of life. It makes this miserable experience of existence a little more palatable than it would otherwise be. We all know that we must see this sad existence all the way through to its proper end. Suicide is a foul form of cheating and is strictly forbidden. Therefore, if we must be here all this time we might as well laugh and make the most of it.

BRING ON THE TOP 100 DRUM PUMP JOKES!

100. Why did the pump cross the road? Answer : Although pumps are essentially inanimate objects and cannot cross roads under their own power, they can be transported from one location to another under the power of a person. Therefore, the reason for the pump crossing the road would be the reason for the person transporting the drum pump across the road. For this reason you should see the information you are looking for from that person I suspect.

99. Why does the pump wear red suspenders? Answer : to keep his or her pants up.

98. A one eyed Chinaman and a pump walk into a bar. The Chinaman orders a beer and the pump orders a glass of sparkling water. The bartender quickly serves the Chinaman but proceeds to ignore the request of the pump. At length the pump sits up in his chair and clears his throat. “Excuse me,” the pump spoke up. “What about my glass of sparkling water?” “Oh,” replied the bartender, “I thought you were joking about that.”

97. Knock knock. Who’s there? A pump fit for a drum. A pump fit for a drum who? Orange you glad I did not say banana again?

Top 100 Golf Cart Florida Jokes

Of course a three hundred word blog post is not sufficiently long enough to include all one hundred of the top one hundred golf cart Florida jokes. As such, this may end up being a multi-part series of posts. We shall have to see how the author (that is I gentle reader) feels both after the three hundredth word has been typed to this blog post as well as the next time this assignment comes up in my queue. Another factor to consider is that I do not want to many of the same type of blog post with the same key words appearing on the same blog. This is not ideal for search engine optimization purposes as you (my most loyal reader) can certainly attest.

GOLF CART FLORIDA JOKES

100. How many golf carts does it take to screw in a light bulb in Port Charlotte? Answer : None. Golf carts do not possess the capacity to screw in light bulbs either in Port Charlotte or any other location. Furthermore, Florida is the “Sunshine State” therefore there is ample light to see by. Accordingly, there is no need for the additional light that a light bulb would provide.

99. Why did the golf cart cross the road? Answer : The golf cart crossed the road to transport its elderly driver from the retirement community in which he lives (for now) to the pharmacy in order to refill his many life preserving prescriptions.

98. Why does the golf cart wear red suspenders? Answer : To keep his pants up.

97. Knock, Knock. Who’s There? Golf cart. Golf cart who? Golf cart you glad I did not say banana yet another time?

96. A Mexican, a Frenchman and a golf cart go into a bar. The Mexican orders a sangria. The Frenchman orders a glass of Bordeaux. The golf cart orders a glass of gasoline. The bartender quickly serves the first two customers and apologizes to the golf cart because he does not serve gasoline. The golf cart says, “That’s okay. I’m electric anyway.”

Finding The Affordable Golf Carts Florida Has Hidden From You

There is a sense that if one were to find the affordable golf carts Florida has hidden from you that a universal consciousness will be achieved. Sometimes we refer to this universal consciousness as “the Port Charlotte experience” although it is unclear where that term originated. Of course when we speak of affordable golf carts we are not talking about actual golf carts. You might say that we are speaking of the divine golf cart that each of carries around within our soul. You might say that it is in fact your soul which is to say it is YOU.

THE INNER AFFORDABLE GOLF CARTS FLORIDA

You might ask why the golf cart that is the soul is made plural and why it must be associated with the state of Florida? These are all worthy questions. One might say that the golf cart of the soul is plural because the singular form of golf cart is insufficient to express the majesty of the thing described. You might say that it is associated with Florida because Florida is the “Sunshine State” and the sun is the ultimate symbol of the source of power and creation.

You might then ask why we refer to universal consciousness as “the Port Charlotte experience”? This in a sense is a more difficult nut to crack. Let us start with the notion that Port Charlotte is a port city. That is, it is a city (which is a collection or concentration of souls) to which ships that sail upon the ocean (which is a metaphor of the infinite) bring goods from afar. It is quite an infrequent event that an individual experiences a universal consciousness. It is quite impossible for the individual to make this happen on his own.  No, the goods (as it were) must be delivered from afar across the infinite.

The Top 100 Incidents of Water Damage Farmington

download (20)It is the end of March and of course that means it is now time for our annual list of top 100 incidents of water damage Farmington for all to enjoy.

100.  The incident where the Farmington river flooded and inundated the Jones homestead.

99.  The incident where it rained for three straight days and water seeped into the basement of the Smith house.

98.  There was the time when (during the same three day rain storm referred to in incident number 99) where the Taylor home down the road from the Smith home experienced some moisture which caused mold to grown in the crawl space underneath the stairs.

97.  There was another time where the Pullen family experienced water damage Farmington to their barn where the hinges to the doors rusted and broke three months later.

96.  There was another time when the Lindgren family experienced water damage to their dog house in their back yard. The wood from which the dog house was built rotted out over the course of two weeks and the dog house had to be thrown out. This was not such a significant loss as the Lindgren family dog (who never used the house by the way) had died the previous year and no one ever got around to getting rid of it.

95.  Then there was another incident of water damage to the downstairs powder room in the Maher house. Water seeped in through the roof. Apparently some shingles had blown off in a wind storm not too long ago. The water seepage caused the dry wall to sag a bit. The Mahers repaired the damage with spackle and paint. It is unclear whether the shingles on the roof were ever replaced.

94. Then there was another incident of water damage where the Farley family car which had been parked at the bottom of the street was flooded out.

To be continued…

The Signs and Banners That Never Were

IMG_0699My neighbor has not displayed signs and banners from his porch in some time. Susan, his neighbor to whom his signs were directed has presumably finished her treatment and is doing well. Moreover, we know that the home owner’s association sent him a letter to stop hanging signs from his front porch because many of the neighbors complained. It is clear to me that this sign hanging neighbor has a creative urge to communicate to the public through the use of signs. It is equally clear to me that this urge has been squelched by the powers that be. I have to wonder, however, if this urge had not been squelched what new signs might we have seen?

WHAT SIGNS AND BANNERS MIGHT WE HAVE SEEN?

One has to wonder what new signs we might have seen displayed from my neighbor’s porch. Perhaps he might have found another neighbor who was suffering from a sickness or other misfortune to whom he might address a whole new series of signs. Perhaps he might start a running commentary on the current political situation. Perhaps he might continue his sign dialog (or monologue) with Susan on some topic other than her sickness and treatment.

The possibilities are literally limitless. Conceivably and idea could be translated into an image or words and then displayed from a sign. What if everybody started displaying signs from their porches to the people living across the street from them. What kind of world might evolve from that situation? What if we were all mandated by law to display signs from our front porch indicating our thoughts on various subjects? Obviously, in our free society, such a law would be unenforceable as well as unconstitutional. Still, we are free to speculate on what is, what is not and what might be.

Another Case of Water Damage Ogden

download (6)It is with extreme reluctance and a heavy heart that the Home and Garden Top 100 blog must report the existence of water damage Ogden this week. The water damage happened to a house in Ogden late on Monday evening. The water damage seems to be the result of heavy rains and the resultant flooding. Rising waters began to surround the house around 6:00 Pm in the evening. The inhabitants of the house did not see a reason to leave at that time but their anxiety levels were clearly rising. By 8:00 PM the water had risen to a level where it became apparent that the family should seek higher ground.

FAMILY ESCAPES WATER DAMAGE OGDEN

The family left their house around 9:00 PM with as many possessions as they could pack and carry with them. They found accommodations in a nearby town and waited out the rains. On the following day they returned to the house to assess the damage. Unfortunately the water seems to have inundated the first floor of the house as well as the basement. At first glance there appeared to be minimal structural damage. The most significant damage was to the sheet rock in the walls of the first floor.

The carpeting and wood floors on the first floor and in the basement will have to be removed and replaced. Obviously the saturated sheet rock will have to be removed and replaced as well. As of yet there does not appear to be any significant mold issues but that is always a concern after a house has undergone water damage. A mitigation crew has been assigned to the house. This crew will remove the damaged materials and deploy fans and heaters to dry out the affected areas of the house. By all estimates it will take a month or so to return the house to its pre-flood state.

A Closer Look at Utah Travel Agencies

(1) - 1There are many Utah travel agencies to choose from if you are looking to take a trip in 2017. When considering the right travel agency for you the Home and Garden Top 100 Blogs suggests you also consider the following factors. First of all you need to make sure that the travel agency has a good reputation. This determination can be easily accomplished by reading online reviews about the travel agency in question. If there are no reviews at all you might want to consider that a red flag. Yelp.com is always a good reference for this type of research. Second of all you will want to know if the travel agency can make the arrangements you want them to make. For this information you can ask your friends and associates, check out the travel agency’s website or even call up the travel agency and ask them in person. You will want to know that they can do what you want them to do before you engage their services.

Do Your Research About Utah Travel Agencies

Effective travel agencies have connections in the world of travel and tourism. This means that they should know all the tricks of the trade. They will know what sort of travel you will need to get to the destination of your choice. For example, the effective travel agency will know if the best way to get from where you are to where you want to be is by train, plane, bus, car, boat or some other mode of transportation. They will also know or be able to find out what tourist locations are available in the vicinity of the location to which you intend to travel. This might include museums, monuments, restaurants and other attractions. A good travel agent will also be able to make suggestions that you might not have considered about your destination.

Don’t Build On a Flood Plain without Flood Insurance

noahs_arkMost loyal readers of the Home and Garden Top 100 blog should be well aware of the necessity to protect their home from water damage Utah. This is true regardless of whether they live in Utah or any other state. Certainly if said reader lived in a state other that Utah they would be protecting their home from water damage (whatever the name of their state is). But really, this distinction is of no matter because water damage is water damage no matter what state (or country for that matter) it happens to occur. So in that respect, water damage Utah can really happen in any state when you think about it.

Proceeding from the well established proposition that water damage Utah can happen in any state let us now discuss how a reader of the Home and Garden Top 100 blog should go about protecting their house therefrom. One of the best ways to do this is to not build your house on a flood plain. It goes without saying that floods are more likely to happen on flood plains than areas that are not designated as flood plains. Accordingly, it also goes without saying that it is a good practice to avoid building a house on a flood plain in order to avoid that same house incurring water damage.

Another way to protect a house from water damage is to make sure that it is ensured against flood damage. Of course this type of protection occurs after the water damage has been incurred. Nevertheless, most home owner’s insurance policies do not protect against flood damage. It is for this reason that the Home and Garden Top 100 Blog strongly recommends home owners purchase a separate flood insurance policy. This is especially true if the house in question has been built upon a flood plain.

The Importance of External Links

-1x-1As a cutting edge SEO Salt Lake City company what would you say is the best way for a web site to achieve a high rank in a search engine’s listings?

 

BF : The most effective method for a website to increase its search engine listings rank is to obtain external links.

 

What exactly is an external link?

 

BF : Simply put an external link is any hyperlink on another website that links back to the primary website.

 

Why is this important?

 

BF : External links pointing to a primary website are important because they are an easy and objective way to measure how popular the primary website happens to be.

 

So website rankings are determined primarily by the number of links pointing to them in combination with specific search terms?

 

BF : Primarily yes, but there are other factors at play as well. For example, if the linking domain is determined to untrustworthy then it will likely not help to augment the primary website’s rank.

 

What factors determine whether a website is trustworthy or not?

 

BF : A website containing nonsensical or spam content is typically flagged by web crawlers as untrustworthy. Also websites designed for the sole purpose of embedding a link to a primary website is also likely to be labeled as untrustworthy.

 

Are those types of websites easy to spot?

 

BF : It depends on the content. Many Utah SEO companies employ freelance writers to create content. When content is created by a person it is less likely to be flagged as spam by a search engine web crawler.

 

What other factors come into play?

 

BF : Web crawlers also look at the popularity of the referring website as well as the content relevancy relative to the primary webpage it links to. There are many other factors but the ones we have so far discussed are very important in terms of SEO.

To Name a Few Scents…

Tips for WinterizationDreams as commonly defined are characterized as a progression of mental images, feelings and other sensations that seem to transpire outside the volition of the person experiencing the dream during a state of sleep. Another commonly used definition of the word dream is in the context of an aspiration or goal. These types of dreams are goals to achieve and are very much more within the volition of the aspirant although not entirely so in every situation.

 

One situation where a dream lies squarely within the volitional powers of the aspirant is the situation where the aspirant makes the very fateful and impactful decision to join Scentsy. This decision is both fateful and impactful because it both changes the future of the aspirant and because it alters the living standard of the aspirant in a very significant manner. One might say that to aspire to this dream is to dream the dream unlimited.

 

Whether a person chooses to join Scentsy or whether that person chooses to remain a civilian it must be declared with much certitude that scents abound in everything and everywhere. It is these very scents that are the stock and trade of a Scentsy sales consultant. There are a myriad of scents to choose from including but by no means limited to the adored Scentsy Bar, the Amazon Rain Scentsy Bar, the Apple S’mores Scentsy Bar, the Aussie Plum Scentsy Bar, the Baked Apple Pie Scentsy Bar, the Bamboo Yuzu Scentsy Bar, the Beach Scentsy Bar, the Berry Bubble Blue Scentsy Bar, the Black Raspberry Vanilla Scentsy Bar, the Blackberry Merinque Scentsy Bar, the Blond Wood and Moon Flower Scentsy Bar, the Blueberry Cheesecake Scentsy Bar, the Blueberry Rush Scentsy Bar, the Bonfire Beach Scentsy Bar, the Bora Bora Blossom Scentsy Bar, the Braeburn Scentsy Bar and the Brazilian Grapes Scentsy